I’ve had some occasion to wear a necktie lately, and it got me thinking about just where those things come from. It also got me thinking about where they might be going. Maybe it’s a city thing, but have you noticed the proliferation of IDs around everyone’s neck? Are those actually more common these days, or is it just recency bias in my own observations? Well, either way, I’ve come up with a solution to declutter our necks: the Tie-D™, using Tie-Dentification™ technology. Never worry about getting your tie tangled in your I.D. lanyard, or be concerned about what those little silver clips might be doing to your jacket lapels! Walk the corridors of power knowing that you’re there not just because of your tie, but because your picture and some supplemental information are displayed prominently on that tie. Order now!*

*Tie-D and Tie-Dentification technology are a non-existent pun product, but seriously, I will help you achieve the goal of wearing a tie with your face on it if you really, really want me to do so. If this is my ticket to the infomercial gravy-train, I’m gonna take it!