There is really only one acceptable time to eat wrapped candy off the ground, and that’s in the minutes immediately following a parade. And maybe on Halloween night. Or is that exactly when you shouldn’t eat found candy, since that’s when terrorists might inject them with meth, and then drop them on the street where they expect them to be eaten without the usual hesitation? Well, either way, alley candy isn’t sufficiently trustworthy for me to eat, especially since this this alley seems to be prone to nocturnal bacchanals.

And now that I’m thinking of this alley and the various items that can be found there, I feel like I should go disinfect the bottoms of my shoes or something. Of course, I’m sure it’s far from the worst alley in town… I don’t think I want to find that alley. But one of our more disturbing (yet harmless) alleys is a tourist attraction! Perhaps you’ve been there. It’s an almost Lovecraftian experience.